A Gentleman Always Does the Kind Thing
Volume 12, Number 25
Issue 573
At Ronald Reagan’s burial service, one of his sons said their father often stated, “A gentleman always does the kind thing.” I’ve thought about this a lot since I heard it and wondered how it could give me guidance with one of my own signature sayings, “Whatever I do will be wrong” and with the talkative and sensitive way that I try to bring out the best in people by practicing my own role as a cheerleading facilitator of entrepreneurialism.
Often, a client asks me to give them advice that will nudge them towards making a decision. Sometimes I can narrow down the logical choices to two—one being wrong in one direction and one being wrong in another. A good example is Roth versus Regular IRAs. Roth IRAs grow tax-free but provide no current tax benefit. Regular IRAs provide a tax benefit on the initial contribution but all money paid out years away is taxable. Pick your poison—no deduction now or tax-free later. Whatever choice I steer you towards, I could be wrong, depending on events that could be determined in the future.
This past week I had the honor to go to two of my eighteen year-old student workers’ graduations. Both of these young ladies looked absolutely fantastic on their Graduation Day and that posed an extreme dilemma for me. If I told them how great they looked and did it with enthusiasm and sincerity in a way that they could relate to, that would be wrong (a 41 year old married man complimenting the physical appearance of 18 year old young ladies) AND if I didn’t comment, that’s wrong, too. Guess which one I did. What would the gentleman do?
If I notice that a client has lost weight, should I compliment them or not? If I do, am I saying, “Hey, you were fat!” and that’s just wrong, or am I saying, “I recognize that you have been trying very hard.” If I don’t say anything to acknowledge what, probably, was a huge sacrifice, that seems even more “wrong.” Either way, I run the risk of being wrong. But the gentleman will always do the right thing and give the compliment and the acknowledgment of hard work, even at the risk of being wrong.
I find that if I hold doors for people, sometimes I get scoffed at. If I open car doors for passengers before getting in myself, I receive just as may stares as I do, “do you know how long it’s been since someone did that for me?” compliments. But I always open all doors, because that’s what gentlemen do.
When it comes to filling out tax forms for “start dates,” often, whatever I advise will carry some amount of business “wrong.” If someone doesn’t register for sales tax collection soon enough and wants to register six months later, it seems wrong to state that you started six months ago, knowing that six months worth of back forms and penalty assessments will be worked through. Why not just say that you are starting now and run all sales tax through the current month as a “catch-up?” Well, this would be “wrong” as the form actually asks for the correct “Starting Date.” I could be encouraging people to lie.
I’ve often been accused of wearing my emotions for all to see. In a way, this is easier, but it’s often harder. I think that the “gentleman” must look at himself as a person who is the most sensitive person around because he feels that he will be the one to sense “wrongs” and try to make them right. A gentleman must be preoccupied in removing the obstacles and the miscommunication and hurt that inhibits the unrestricted and awkward actions of those around him.
If something awkward is going on or something needs to be said to compliment a situation or to facilitate its resolution, or simply make people feel “at ease,” it should be my duty to “make it so.” Though a gentleman must not be overtly in-charge or dominant, he should be the “smooth operator” to facilitate the resolution of matters and bring about a happy feeling about difficult situations.
Though I am in one of the most difficult businesses around--tax payment and preparation--I have to be the one who soothes pain rather than inflicts it. I must help to seek easy resolution and movement and must not be a hindrance. I must apply liberal doses of honey to all situations because I know that I can collect many more flies with honey than I ever can with vinegar.
People need to have a goal to attain their fullest possible potential in life using God’s talents to the best of their abilities. I need to be a resource for them to use in whatever way I am called to do so.
I must make people unafraid to say how they feel—to make the angry calm and the sad happy. If I do my job right, I can become the missing piece to complete something and I can, at the same time, build bridges to make people feel better and more at-ease without hostility, resentment or anger.
I have to have the visibility to see through walls to let people know what is on the other side. I must have a sense to find what is missing and to replace it with something even better. I must be the solution rather than the problem and I have to make people learn to compromise. If each person gives up an equally proportionate amount of unreasonableness, I can facilitate resolution and make each person feel that they have received what they wanted.
As a gentleman leader, I must care for those in my charge by being their caretaker. I must bring out the best in qualities that I know are there but remain unseen or undeveloped. I must have the ability to stand behind people and push them forward while, at the same time, urging others to slow down and consider their actions. I have to look out for those with less education, skills and physical abilities and use my skills of communication to relate to them on a level at which they can understand and relate.
I should never--NO NOT EVER--make anyone feel useless or stupid.
A gentleman remembers that the best communication devices are eye contact and handshakes. A gentleman NEVER uses certified mail or aggressively worded letters. A telephone call to resolve conflict by simply “doing the right thing” is all that is ever needed to move mountains.
I should never be the center of attention and if I do realize that I have become it, I should immediately replace my prominence with that of someone else by reveling in and about their accomplishments as the result of their hard and ethical work.
I shouldn’t keep score about favors, but I should remember who overtly owes them to me so that I can use them to network and to promote those around me who may, for whatever reason, not be able to do it themselves.
I should work very hard to avoid participating in idle gossip or sensationalism as that is done at the expense of others who cannot defend themselves and with whose business I have no claim to be involved.
I want to remember historical events in my life and those around me and celebrate and remember things that represent accomplishments and hard work. I want to remember that I am indebted to those who helped me attain my own success and work tirelessly to repay them a thousand fold over.
A gentleman is just that: gentle. Doing the right thing involves simple kindness and living by the platinum rule: Treat others not as you want to be treated but as they need to be treated.
David B. Robinson, CPA
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